A Work Of Obsanity

I couldn’t help but to notice a strong medicinal smell every time I opened the refrigerator (or ice box as they call it here in the south) so I finally decided to investigate today. It only took me opening one of the drawers inside to turn this into a Dateline style undercover exposé. To my defense, we eat out a lot and consume mostly snacks while at home. Or maybe it is the fact that if there is something we want to eat, we go to the store, buy it and consume it immediately.

The below is certainly not complete but instead just contains some highlights from the horrors that were unearthed inside the big stainless steel tomb.

• ½ Gallon Skim Milk w/ 1 oz. of milk inside
• ½ Gallon Ruby Red Grapefruit Juice (Expired 03/06/06)
• 8 Eggs (Expire in 4 days. Chance of consuming: slim)
• Jar Ruby Red Grapefruit Slices (Expired 12/31/05)
• ½ Dozen Moldy Lemons
• ½ Dozen Moldy Limes
• Fresh Mint which is turning black
• Chopped up Onions and Celery (turned to mushy slime)
• 5 Moldy Cucumbers (soaking in moldy cucumber juice)
• 14 Packets of Taco Bell Fire Sauce
• 9 Packets Chick-Fil-A Honey Roasted BBQ Sauce
• 2 Dipping Cups of Papa John’s Buffalo Sauce
• 1 Stray Egg which was hiding in the butter shelf
• 5 Random Jars of Pickle Paraphernalia
• 4 Open Jars of Peach Salsa
• 5 Types of various BBQ Sauces
• 3 Types of various Mustards
• 5 Open bottles of Mayonnaise
• 3 Bottles of Champagne

I am sure I am personally responsible for the majority of that list. Matter of fact, that milk thing with leaving like an once left in the jug… that screams my name. The limes, considering I just bought some a few days ago and have been using them in addition to the mint (for mojitos), I probably forgot that there was an abundance of questionable limes already at home.

The Chick-Fil-A sauce - well, I’m amazed at its ability to compliment pretty much any type of food (much of the way imitation movie theater nacho cheese does). However, when you are in the drive thru and ask for some extra sauce packets you normally get a total of three. One day it was discovered that if you go in instead of taking the drive thru, you can help yourself to as many as you think you may need. I was like a greedy kid on Halloween when someone lets you pick out your own candy from the bowl.

And what’s the deal with the ruby red grapefruit? I remember, or at least think I remember, the juice was part of infamous “Bitch Slap” drink that Monica introduced Dwayne and I too. Actually… that’s not right. Now that I think about it, I believe it was from a drink Dwayne suggested called “Super Mario Sunshine”. I digress.