A Work Of Obsanity

UPDATE: Please visit Pickle Gobbler, my new community based web site dedicated to fried pickle reviews!

As those of you that hang out with me on a semi-regular basis know, There are two apps on any respectable bar menu that will immediately catch my eye: Fried Pickles and Texas Toothpicks. While the ‘picks are pretty much a no brainer when it comes to knowing what you are going to get upon ordering, and how they are going to taste, the pickles can be a whole other debacle.

My obsession with this once healthy garnish gone horribly bad for you runs deep, and I have made it my personal quest to find the perfect basket. I am now making my findings known here, for you dear reader, so you will never be stuck with another soggy chip or fried husk from that one spear that just didn’t know it’s place.

Last Updated: January 4, 2009

I love the Alamo Drafthouse and unless some situation out of my control arises, it’s the only theater chain I will attend. Ticket prices are on par with everyone else and I can drink beer while waiting in line outside, playing Galaga in the lobby, and during the entire duration of the movie. Hell, I don’t even give a shit what’s showing – I’m going right now!

That being said, I must say – and have done so via comment card several times – what the hell is going on with these pickles? First off, they are insanely expensive for the FIVE spears you get. Why five? That makes sharing with a friend awkward when there is just one left. The zesty batter is no doubt tasty but never sticks to the pickle after the first bite. And finally, why spears? You are sitting in a dark theater so wouldn’t a nice basket of chips be much easier to munch on? Come on Alamo, if you changed your mushy steak fries to insanely awesome waffle, you can do this!

I can’t say I was saddened by the fact that my weekly H-D Bike Night left this establishment and moved up the road to Twin Peaks. The food wasn’t great, the beer was a bit on the pricey side, and the eye candy… They did show Fuel TV non-stop, it was convenient to work, and their pickles were in chip form – but again, no tears shed.

With a fews beers in me, there is no reason why I can’t personally nosh through a basket of chips. I mean, chips are my favorite! Here however, even sharing the task was not an easy one. The chips themselves are overly thick and have way to much batter on them – the cornmeal kind at that. On the couple occasions I did have them, the first bite of each chip would without warning release a burst of salty grease into your mouth – and that’s just downright rude.

It is safe to say that I have a love / hate relationship with this place. The staff is awesome, and it’s a decent hangout. The food is a mixed bag however. Knowing that these pickles came in spear form, which is clearly a travesty, I put a sampling of these guys far off my radar. In light of this guide however, I decided to order a basket up on the last visit.

Six spears were covered in an extremely heavy batter that was as disenchanted with the entire experience as I was. Upon your first bite, the batter gave hold of the pickle and the next thing you know, you’re left with a hard, greasy husk in your hand, and a limp pickle in your lap. Three of the spears didn’t even have enough batter to encase the pickle. I shared this order with a friend of mine and even then we didn’t get through the entire basket. Sad times indeed.

Cain’s turned out to be the perfect place for some Shiner and pickles today. A Nice and warm, sunny afternoon spent on an outside patio with one of my best friends. Students were out and about, people were flossing their rides up and down 24th, and all the Texas beers had $2.50 pints. Good times indeed… and then the pickles came.

From the moment the plate arrived I knew the good times would keep on rolling. The pickle spears were fresh from the jar and juicy. The batter was solid, flavorful with lots of fresh dill, and held up awesomely on both a scaling hot and cold pickle. The dipper consisted of the usual ranch which was homemade as well. For a spear, it was everything you could hope for. It wasn’t unusual or anything extra special, but it wasn’t gimmicky either. Pleasantly surprised.

Cuatro’s is an awesome place to hang out, with their generous outdoor, dog friendly patio and west campus location. If gawking at all the hipsters grows tiresome, just turn your head and feast your eyes upon their outdoor video wall. There are cheap beers in the afternoon, tacos which have been raved about, and of course, fried pickles.

But let me say, these pickles right here, at this very spot in Austin, are currently tops in my book. They have everything a fried pickle should have. They are in chip form, not spears (yes, I’m a spear hater), they are salty with just a hint of sweetness from the seasoned batter, and crunchy without being dried out. The jalapeño ranch dipping sauce is a awesome and adds some decent heat, but it is not needed to get maximum enjoyment out of this experience.

I’ve ridden by Doc’s on South Congress many a time but had yet to stop in. It seems like a fairly natural hangout for me. It’s mostly a huge bar inside that opens up and flows out onto a nice sunny outside area that is chock full of people watching. There are afternoon beer specials, which are great for afternoon beer drinkers like myself, and a menu that includes a fried pickle appetizer – in sliced form.

After imbibing on some Shiner Bock I decided it was time to get down to business. Since I wasn’t there for happy hour, the full menu price of $6 was exchanged for a rather small order of pickle slices. The one thing these did have going for them was indeed the spice of the breading – which was advertised as so. They weren’t as spicy as Taps Pub, but did make you take notice. Everything else about these pickles screamed average, from the thickness of each slice to the amount of crunch – or lack there of. The ranch didn’t seem house made to me, and well after the fact I noticed they offered “green chili ranch” on the menu, so I’d go that route if I were you.

I’ve been wanting to try out Evangeline Cafe for a good while now, and yesterday I got my chance. I truly believe that your entire dining experience can make or break a pickle, and yesterday’s conditions couldn’t have been better. The temp was in the upper 70’s, I was on my motorcycle all day, lots of good beer was consumed, and this joint was literally rocking.

Despite the photo, the basket of chips is of a decent size but you are paying $6 (no happy hour prices here). The batter was more cornmeal than my preferred tempura style however they were not weighed down with that gritty, greasy texture I have come to expect from cornmeal batter. Each chip was seasoned with a very pleasing cajun style spice, but perhaps what caught me off guard the most (in a pleasing way) was the dipping sauce. The menu said homemade ranch but what I was served was more of a creamy thousand island. I’m not a huge fan of thousand island dressing but this concoction was damn tasty.

I just cant recommend Evangeline Cafe enough. This place was so packed in fact that the owner finally asked if I minded sitting with another group of people. I jumped at the chance and we all shared beers and fried food while tapping our toes, singing, and yee-hawing with the band. The other food I sampled from my new friends was equally enjoyable. I couldn’t think of a better place or experience to have on a Saturday afternoon should you want to take in some awesome cajun food while tipping some cold ones and singing and dancing the day away.

You need to hurry your ass over to Freda’s. No, seriously! I doubt this place will be open much longer. We were the only ones in the entire place for their much advertised happy hour. They advertised a selection of $2 domestic beers and $3.50 cajun fried pickles (amongst other appetizers). Upon arriving, the beer options were Bud Light or Miller Light and the pickles were actually $4. That’s extremely lame of them.

But hey, if I’m getting my pickles cajun style then all will be forgiven. But alas, I did not so I shall not. The batter was the same they used on the calamari, which contained zero cajun flavor. The pickles themselves were paper thin and had no flavor at all – I was forced to self season. Props for the unique “sliced” form and they were nice and crunchy, but only due to the excessive amount of batter encasing them. The batter to pickle ratio was just so out of whack, and the pickle so practically nonexistent, why even offer this at a seafood place? You do get a lot, but when all was said an done we walked away leaving three – uh, slices.

Ah, Hooters. One of the best Happy Hours for those on a budget. They have the coldest Shiner I have ever tasted. So cold, that the beer crystalizes in the mug. All yours for a mere $1.95. On top of that, if you are riding solo and want to feast upon some real deal fried pickle slices, they will plate up a half-order basket – because a cold pickle is a sad pickle.

I have had these more than I care to admit, and each and every time they are consistently delicious. They aren’t an thin as I normally like but due to that fact, they are very juicy. The batter is seasoned nicely and goes great with the either the tangy ranch or cheese sauce that sides for dipping. And as mentioned above, you can even a get a half order should you just need to calm a craving. Crispy and delicious!

This just happened to be one of those times when I went to meet some friends for lunch at a place I’d never been and got an unexpected surprise on the menu. I was more than happy to order up a salty snack to accompany my beer, but I was in no way prepared for the heaping pile of awesome that was about to be served me. And for a mere $3.99 to boot!

These pickles possessed everything that I’m looking for in such a relationship – almost like we met via a free 15 minute personality test on Match. Chip form? Check! Deliciously light, tampura style batter? Check! Crispy shell with juicy innards? Check! The capable dipping sauce seemed to consist of a light ranch that was loaded with fresh dill. Happy Hour = $2 Pickles / $2 Pints. Way to represent, North Austin!

When it comes to getting the most food for your money, I have yet to find a better value than this chain for happy hour. You can get an awesome half-pound cheeseburger and fries for a mere $1.95. Not into that? How about a totally unexpected order of fried pickles with sherry mayo for the same price? Why doesn’t my Austin location have these?

I know you are probably looking at the photo and aren’t to impressed, but don’t let it fool you. The thickness of the spears would normally turn me off, but not the case here. These pickles were sour and loaded with garlic – almost lip puckering so. Definitely not the same meager spears that are served with the burgers. The tempura style batter was so massively light and crunchy, it almost deserved an appetizer of its own. The sherry mayo dipping sauce pretty much just sealed the deal. Just you can’t go wrong for the price of these pickles.

Pluckers can be one of those crazy places that either turns out to be a great time, or after ten minutes you are already planning your escape. The location near me has a decent amount of plasmas in the bar, but unless the game on happens to be UT, you are forced to listen to either music or the getting drunker by the minute trivia announcer. Just odd.

Luckily for them, they fry a mean pickle that has brought me back on numerous occasions. And, wait for it – they’re in spear form! I know, it blew my mind too. The batter they use has some awesome seasoning and oddly enough, it doesn’t encapsulate the entire pickle (see photo). What it does do is create some kind of space-aged polymer bond, that totally keeps the pickle tasting out of the barrel juicy and crunchy. The dipping sauce is awesome as well but I always order up a side of Fire In The Hole wing sauce to mix in. Commence head assplosion!

It didn’t take me long to notice that this place was for regulars only. At happy hour, everyone knew everyone else – except me. I was the new kid at school and felt just as awkward and out of place. If you can break the ice and want a (once they know you) friendly place with decent happy hour specials along with remote bar trivia then you should check it out.

I had two choices for pickles here: $5 spears or $8 chips! If it wasn’t for the half priced apps during happy hour then I don’t think I could have justified eight bucks. Unlike the spears, the chips were advertised “made to order”. Due to what I wrote above, I was secretly hoping that I wouldn’t like these as I needed a reason to not revisit this place. Sadly, the pickles were damn good. The chips were thick and juicy, and the breading had an awesome flavor – although was a bit undercooked. Homemade ranch was a pleasant surprise, but come on – eight dollars!

This newcomer to Cedar Park appears to have been greeted with open arms. The place was packed, the staff was some of the friendliest I have ever encountered, and the menus – both beer and food – were teeming with options. Spending your happy hour at Taps will net you $1 off beer and a break on appetizers – although we could never figure out just how much.

The pickles here come in chip form, which by now you know is my favorite variety. Topping off the plus column was with no doubt the flavor of the breading. There was a definite kick of pepper which I absolutely loved, and Freda’s Seafood, who advertises theirs as “cajun”, could learn a thing or two. At the bottom of the list was sadly enough, the breading. The batter isn’t tempura style so I understand that these aren’t going to crunch when I bit into them. That being said, the chips were a bit on the soggy side and, due to their thickness, a bit rubbery. Perhaps a bit longer in the fryer would have solved this issue.

Nestled away in downtown Hutto is a small cafe that I’ve ridden by numerous times but never stopped at. It wasn’t until Texas Monthly declared it on of the best small-town cafes that my interest was peaked. While they raved about the fried pickles, in addition to the chicken fried chicken, they failed to mention just how awesome and friendly the staff was.

After placing my usual Shiner Bock and pickle order, I anxiously waited while taking in the decor. A short while later I was presented with the perfect order of fried pickles. Everything, and I mean everything, was done just the way it should be. The pickle slices had the perfect bite. The no nonsense batter was fresh, crunchy, and not at all greasy. They were served piping hot and perfectly seasoned with a healthy dose of fresh ground black pepper. On the side was a generous bowl of house made ranch. I just can’t tell you how much I enjoyed these. After consuming way to many bad and mediocre baskets, I finally felt like I stumbled upon the Holy Grail.

If you have been following my reviews, please do yourself a favor and make the trip out to Hutto. From the moment Ron greets you at the door (a co-owner of the place) to the final bite of pie (you must try the Hot Skillet Brandy Apple Pie), you will know that it is only a short amount of time until you make a return visit.

Fried pickles are popping up everywhere these days. I was just alerted to TXLC’s latest offering, so taking the fact that there is one a mile away, and that their apps are half priced during happy hour, well – I’m there. I knew in advance that spears were the cut of the day, but now I know what they say is true: everything really is bigger in Texas!

I mean, look how big those spears are. That one third from the left was so thick I had to cut it, which didn’t fare well for the batter. And let’s talk about this batter. Freda’s should take notice because it had a real healthy dose of red pepper. Unfortunately, it was so thin and brittle in places that it would randomly break off its engagement with its once beloved pickle. The unusual dipping sauce was a “Spicy White BBQ”, and while different, was pretty damn good. An order of these will fill you up – no doubt – and the $3 happy hour price can’t be beat. If only these pickles were human sized and had more of that delicious batter.

Tucked away in a strip mall, I almost rode right by the place. Upon entering however I knew there was a regular following of loyal patrons. The wait staff was very pleasant and I had my first beer in a matter of minutes of our arrival. In addition to some great tunes, you’ll find a pool table, darts, and a smattering of flat screens around the bar.

Our lunch consisted of nothing other than the aforementioned beer and pickles – two orders to be specific. Each order arrived fresh from the kitchen, hot and ready to eat. That was the highlight of these pickles. While I wouldn’t necessarily say they were mushy, the pickles were definitely cooked due to the long frying time. This allowed the adequate breading to give off a nice crunch, but stole too much of the spotlight away from the main attraction. The breading itself was of your standard mozzarella stick variety with dill peppered about. Sadly enough, the ranch that co-hosted this affair seemed to have come from a bottle. You won’t hate them, but you won’t love them either.

This is one of those oddly Austin hangouts which has been retracted way up into the nether region of Austin. It’s pretty damn dark and bare inside, but still oddly welcoming. They show random movies along the bars various plasmas and even have a nice sized projector. A decent jukebox is available at a great price and there is even an outside patio with tables.

When I saw the pickles on the menu, followed by the word “slices”, I swear to you that my heart skipped a beat. And while the intentions were good, these babies could have stayed in the fryer a bit longer. The slices were thick – probably the thickest I’ve come across. The batter was nicely seasoned and not overpowering or heavy. The main problem, at least with my particular order, was that the chips themselves were sad and limp, despite being piping hot. Great potential but not quite there yet.

Before I hit up Chitown for my annual Thanksgiving visit, I spent some time on Google to see if there was anywhere – bar, hotdog stand, churro cart – that fried up my favorite southern snack. As it turned out, there was a little place just up the road from my mother’s house that did just that. In chip form. With tons of various dipping sauces.

As you can see, these pickles were sliced just the way I like them. And not only that, the batter was light, yet crispy, and perfectly seasoned. The dipping sauce that kept these chips company was some of the best I’ve had – Argentine Garlic & Herbs. It was a perfect combination of flavors and textures. The one thing that kept us from polishing off the entire basket, and ordering up another, was the insane grease factor. These were the greasiest pickles I have yet to come across. Once they learn to drain out all that excess before plating them, this basket will be right up there with the best.

For 3:00 on a Friday afternoon, this place had a decent sized crowd. So many in fact that I wasn’t able to belly up to the bar and instead had to sit at a table next to it. A fellow Yelp‘er made a comment that this place had the best chips in all of central Texas – and upon arriving and seeing everyone chow down on them, I knew I was in for a treat.

These chips were perfection. The pickle slices were in that sweet spot between so thin they’re nonexistent, and so thick they’re rubbery. They had the most glorious crunch and sour flavor over any other pickles I’ve had. Judging from the aforementioned thickness, along with the range of chip sizes, I reckon that they were hand cut and not out of a jar. The batter was absolutely delightful. Never before have I encountered an order that was this ungreasy. Upon my first bite, I thought that perhaps the batter could have used a bit of seasoning. By my fourth bite I realized that the lack of spice in the batter was what let the true flavor of the pickle shine through. The ranch on the side was a decent offering, if not a bit thick for my likes. Nonetheless these pickles rise as a true shining beacon over all of Austin.

I’m almost hesitant to post this review for two reasons. First, Wurstfest is a seasonal festival so these aren’t available on demand. Secondly, mass quantities of beer have been consumed before, during, and after consumption which may have a direct impact on my love affair with this variety. That being said, holy shit are these some awesome chips!

Every year I tell myself that I need to remember the name of the actual vendor that fries up these VMD’s (Vittles of Mass Deliciousness) but the morning after fog always gets the best of me. Do know however that they get nearly everything right. Pickle density, batter consistency – how they bring their friend the olive with them. Points deducted solely for overall grease factor and that they could be more crunchy.

Reviews Coming Soon:
Katz’s Deli, Mimi’s Cafe, Third Base Austin

Still Need To Try Out:
Angel’s Icehouse, B.D. Reiley’s, Bagpipe’s Pub, Chez Zee, Dave and Busters, Dirty Martin’s, Fish City Grill, Fredericksburg Brewing Company, Hills Cafe, Hole In The Wall, Little Woodrow’s, Louisiana Longhorn Cafe, Mother Egan’s Irish Pub, Shooters Billiards & Sports Bar, The Hub, The Jackalope, The Pier On Lake Travis, The Water Tank Too, Threadgills, Uncle Billy’s Brew & Que