I couldn’t help but to notice a strong medicinal smell every time I opened the refrigerator (or ice box as they call it here in the south) so I finally decided to investigate today. It only took me opening one of the drawers inside to turn this into a Dateline style undercover exposé. To my defense, we eat out a lot and consume mostly snacks while at home. Or maybe it is the fact that if there is something we want to eat, we go to the store, buy it and consume it immediately.

The below is certainly not complete but instead just contains some highlights from the horrors that were unearthed inside the big stainless steel tomb.

• ½ Gallon Skim Milk w/ 1 oz. of milk inside
• ½ Gallon Ruby Red Grapefruit Juice (Expired 03/06/06)
• 8 Eggs (Expire in 4 days. Chance of consuming: slim)
• Jar Ruby Red Grapefruit Slices (Expired 12/31/05)
• ½ Dozen Moldy Lemons
• ½ Dozen Moldy Limes
• Fresh Mint which is turning black
• Chopped up Onions and Celery (turned to mushy slime)
• 5 Moldy Cucumbers (soaking in moldy cucumber juice)
• 14 Packets of Taco Bell Fire Sauce
• 9 Packets Chick-Fil-A Honey Roasted BBQ Sauce
• 2 Dipping Cups of Papa John’s Buffalo Sauce
• 1 Stray Egg which was hiding in the butter shelf
• 5 Random Jars of Pickle Paraphernalia
• 4 Open Jars of Peach Salsa
• 5 Types of various BBQ Sauces
• 3 Types of various Mustards
• 5 Open bottles of Mayonnaise
• 3 Bottles of Champagne

I am sure I am personally responsible for the majority of that list. Matter of fact, that milk thing with leaving like an once left in the jug… that screams my name. The limes, considering I just bought some a few days ago and have been using them in addition to the mint (for mojitos), I probably forgot that there was an abundance of questionable limes already at home.

The Chick-Fil-A sauce – well, I’m amazed at its ability to compliment pretty much any type of food (much of the way imitation movie theater nacho cheese does). However, when you are in the drive thru and ask for some extra sauce packets you normally get a total of three. One day it was discovered that if you go in instead of taking the drive thru, you can help yourself to as many as you think you may need. I was like a greedy kid on Halloween when someone lets you pick out your own candy from the bowl.

And what’s the deal with the ruby red grapefruit? I remember, or at least think I remember, the juice was part of infamous “Bitch Slap” drink that Monica introduced Dwayne and I too. Actually… that’s not right. Now that I think about it, I believe it was from a drink Dwayne suggested called “Super Mario Sunshine”. I digress.

So while having an extremely enjoyable ride through the Texas Hill Country, I came upon a new experience. Somehow a bee got sucked up my pant leg and proceeded to strike revenge on the back of my calf for all its brethren who have been splattered against my bike in the past.

… of course Mike happened to be leading at that particular time and was riding in front of me. Somehow he missed all my honking / light flashing / yelling and continued to ride off into the sunny afternoon as I had to pull over and fight for my life to get it out of my pants… which happened to be next to a cemetery of all places.

Having no saddle bags, I also have no first aid kit, so the stinger is still lodged in my leg. I guess at some point I am going to have to dig it out as the combination of itching and burning from it are getting a bit tedious.

I was telling some friends about this over on a forum and apparently this is not that uncommon of a thing.

One show which is titled Morning Stories features the voice of Tony Kahn who directs and produces the show on WGBH. His voice is deep, somewhat gruff and all around hot. I don’t know what he looks like, which lets me use my imagination, but on to my point. The type of voice I just described almost always guarantees utter hotness in old men.

How does one go about getting a good radio / doctor voice? Do you have to smoke or drink a lot while you are younger? I don’t smoke but do consume my share of the sauce. Does anyone know that answer to this? I don’t want to miss out on my chance to have a nice sexy voice when I am older. Google came up empty.